" I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine." - Oceans by Hillsong United.


  Ever felt so sad that you believed you would never be happy again? That was me. I didn't just wake up one day and find myself this way. It slowly grew without me noticing. I was happy wasn't I? I kept convincing myself that if I could keep smiling then I could manage. But you can't hide from the truth for very long. When I finally couldn't hide my sadness anymore, it became the only thing I could focus on. I felt myself going down into a dark pit and I didn't feel strong enough to climb out... and I didn't want to.
  The storms of life were happening all around me and I was drowning in an ocean of sadness. " I can get my life together", I thought, " I don't need anyone to help me or give me advice." People told me what I already knew... Go to God. But I didn't want to. I wanted Sierra to be in charge of her own life and her own destiny. My sadness grew and so did the stubbornness in my heart.
  I stopped caring and I stopped making wise decisions. It was ME time. Maybe if I did everything Sierra wanted to do then I would be happy again. People who I thought cared about me left me when I  had needed them. I was angry and hurt. Why should I care anymore? To love is to be vulnerable. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. So I stopped caring. My life was falling apart. I knew I should get it together, but I was holding myself back.
  It was a Sunday night and I hit the bottom. I couldn't live like this anymore. Living for me had gotten me into trouble and that's when I realized I had a problem. I want to help build people up and bring them closer to Christ, but I had been pulling people down with me. That wasn't going to be me anymore. I let go of the sadness. The pain other people had caused me became bearable. The anger I had toward others had vanished. I didn't need to rely on others. God was always there for me and that's all I need.
  So after a good cry while listening to "Oceans" I felt once again happy. I was there when people needed me and God is always there when I need Him. So even though I shed a couple tears while typing this I hope you are left with a smile. There is hope.  I felt hopeless and alone, but I made it through and so can you.


  "Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now. "' - Oceans by Hillsong United