" I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine." - Oceans by Hillsong United.


  Ever felt so sad that you believed you would never be happy again? That was me. I didn't just wake up one day and find myself this way. It slowly grew without me noticing. I was happy wasn't I? I kept convincing myself that if I could keep smiling then I could manage. But you can't hide from the truth for very long. When I finally couldn't hide my sadness anymore, it became the only thing I could focus on. I felt myself going down into a dark pit and I didn't feel strong enough to climb out... and I didn't want to.
  The storms of life were happening all around me and I was drowning in an ocean of sadness. " I can get my life together", I thought, " I don't need anyone to help me or give me advice." People told me what I already knew... Go to God. But I didn't want to. I wanted Sierra to be in charge of her own life and her own destiny. My sadness grew and so did the stubbornness in my heart.
  I stopped caring and I stopped making wise decisions. It was ME time. Maybe if I did everything Sierra wanted to do then I would be happy again. People who I thought cared about me left me when I  had needed them. I was angry and hurt. Why should I care anymore? To love is to be vulnerable. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. So I stopped caring. My life was falling apart. I knew I should get it together, but I was holding myself back.
  It was a Sunday night and I hit the bottom. I couldn't live like this anymore. Living for me had gotten me into trouble and that's when I realized I had a problem. I want to help build people up and bring them closer to Christ, but I had been pulling people down with me. That wasn't going to be me anymore. I let go of the sadness. The pain other people had caused me became bearable. The anger I had toward others had vanished. I didn't need to rely on others. God was always there for me and that's all I need.
  So after a good cry while listening to "Oceans" I felt once again happy. I was there when people needed me and God is always there when I need Him. So even though I shed a couple tears while typing this I hope you are left with a smile. There is hope.  I felt hopeless and alone, but I made it through and so can you.


  "Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now. "' - Oceans by Hillsong United


  
 

Hello!

Hello! If you're reading this you are awesome. ( now that you've been complemented please continue reading )

   I have had this desire to create a blog for a while now and wasn't sure how to or what I would even post. I was flooded with doubts. What if no one reads it? What if I post super annoying stuff? What's the point? I let these doubts keep me from doing something I really wanted to do. But not today. So here I am, sitting on my couch, listening to Christmas music, and typing up what I hope to be the first post of a successful blog. But, regardless of the outcome I am glad I put my doubts aside and did it. 

  I find that I often let my doubts get in the way. Perhaps you are perfect and never doubt yourself at all ( if so you can stop reading now, because I'm full of imperfections and I'm not afraid to admit it) But I am gonna bet most of you are still reading this. Because no matter how much we hate to admit it, none of us are perfect. 

     Tomorrow I am going to be taking my ACT. Let me just say one thing.... STRESS! I know you're probably familiar with this feeling. When I'm not studying I am thinking of when I can study more. I find myself doubting my ability to study or  my test taking skills. What if I get a bad score? What if I get lost when going to the testing center? Will I ever get into college? All these doubts hang over my head throughout my day. Before I break down and resort to eating 10 cookies while crying, I pray. Now I know the cookie method sounds like a solid plan to make me feel better ( I will admit sometimes it is needed). But their is nothing like stopping and praying. Ever since I was young I would imagine all my stress was put in a box and Jesus would come pick it up and take it away. Their is so much such comfort knowing He was gonna take care of me. 

    Once I finish my cry for help ( also called prayer) I feel great. The things that were stressing me out are still there. But I find strength and peace from God.  So next time you're about to dive into your comfort method ( for me it's the cookies) I recommend praying first. It might not work the first time. Maybe not even the second. But I can promise you it'll work. So don't give up! If I can overcome my stress then so can you! Hopefully you've enjoyed this post and I look forward to the next time I can sit down and pour out my heart to you. Thank you for reading!